


Change of Pace

by ingayder, Irken Scum (Irken_Scum)



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: M/M, ZaDr Secret Santa, hoo boy this is the first thing i've partially solo-written in a while, irken-scum is still on board but the end was all me and that makes me Nervous klshclkshdflks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 13:07:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21969808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ingayder/pseuds/ingayder, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irken_Scum/pseuds/Irken%20Scum
Summary: When stuck in a prickly situation where they only have one another, Zim and Dib have to learn to rely on one another for both their good.
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim), ZaDr - Relationship
Comments: 11
Kudos: 129





	Change of Pace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [floralb0t](https://archiveofourown.org/users/floralb0t/gifts).



“Hey, Zim?”

“Eh?”

“How did we get here?”

“From my understanding, a pitiful explosion created your filthy galaxy and life here as you know it, and I was sent to destro---”

“No, I mean, how did we get _here?”_

Dib sat up on the hard bench he’d been lying down on in the holding cell the two were cooped up in; Zim was sprawled out on the chilled cement floor, having made indignant remarks about doing so when Dib claimed the bench for himself, and had apparently not even budged for the half an hour they’d been in. Outside the holding cell, a gruff, old officer dozed quietly. The only window in the cell showed dimming sunlight, the day slipping slowly into night, and the activity in the small county’s sheriff's office was winding down for the night. 

“Ugh, this is all your fault,” Dib groaned, thoroughly frustrated by the whole thing, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I told you trying to fight me in _broad daylight_. At the _park._ In the _open._ Was a dumb idea! I told you that, and you did it anyways! Why are you like this!? You wouldn’t listen to me if it was life or death!”

"Of course I wouldn't, because whatever advice could come out of your fool mouth would probably result in the death option!" Zim threw up his hands over-dramatically. "And it's _your_ fault for egging me on!"

"Egging you on!?" Dib scoffed. "Me telling you that you're acting like an idiot because you're trying to fight me isn't egging you on! ...I mean, I could have _probably_ kept a little quieter about it, I guess, but--- you kept making jabs at me!"

"I am NOT referring to that!" Zim said. "Or did you forget that you were following me around the park shouting to anyone we passed that I was an alien?! I wasn't even doing anything this time! Gir and I were just out for Saturday Walkies!"

"I was _not_ following you around! _You_ showed up in the middle of one of my investigations, and you were--- doing alien things! If anyone was following anyone, _you_ were following _me!"_ Dib retorted. "And, for the record, everyone _noticed_ you were doing alien things, and I was just telling them why you were doing that! The people deserve to know!"

"Saturday Walkies are _not_ alien things. You humans take your smelly dog-beasts for walks in parks all the time."

"He was EATING other DOGS, Zim!"

"THIS IS NORMAL."

"THAT IS _NOT_ NORMAL!"

Zim sneered. "You cannot fool ME with your japes and trickery, Dib-stink! I have heard humans use the phrase 'dog eat dog world' plenty of times."

Dib paused, looking incredulous, but didn't speak. He just stared at Zim for a long, quiet moment, the silence heavy between them.

Zim stared back, his frown deepening with every second that passed. "WHAT?"

"That's a metaphor. It's not literal. ...Oh my god how many dogs have you let him eat?"

"He always spits them back up!"

"Holy shit. That's... better, I guess."

"His little body isn't really equipped to eat as much as it does already, the last thing I need is for him to be trying to eat an entire dog," Zim said, scoffing. "I just thought they were supposed to do that."

"No, they absolutely do not do that," Dib sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's like. A metaphor for being cutthroat. ...Which also isn't literal."

Zim groaned in annoyance. "Humans are too figurative. Why don't you smelly organisms ever just say what you mean?"

"We do! We just--- have a lot of other stuff that means other things!" Dib rolled his eyes. "Have you ever thought that maybe you're not figurative enough?"

Zim stared at him a moment, unamused, before giving a deadpanned answer. "No."

"That's a you problem, then," Dib muttered, quiet for a few seconds, before letting out a heavy sigh. "Well, it doesn't matter. We're stuck in here. Ugh, they're probably gonna call my dad. ...And 

_you're_ probably gonna get taken in, busted, and sent to some kind of alien holding cells they probably have in some secret government jail."

"Wh---- No! That--- that can't--- That cannot be allowed to happen," Zim said, standing and beginning to panic lightly. "We need to get out of this concrete box."

"Yeah, good luck with that," Dib rolled his eyes. "It's like 5 foot thick concrete, and we're guarded. Have you never been arrested before? You kind of just have to sit here and deal with it."

"Only five feet?" Zim mused, looking around. "That's downright manageable. But I will need your help."

"...Wait, what?" That made Dib sit up a bit, confusion immediately written all over his face. "You're seriously going to try to bust out of here? ...Why should I help you? You got us in here."

Zim crossed his arms. "I will begrudgingly allow you to escape with me."

Dib seemed to consider that for a second, before quietly affirming something to himself. "On one condition."

"What's that?"

"If I help you get out, you'll owe me one."

"What? No!" Zim crossed his arms. "I am already doing you a service. If you are processed for your criminal behavior, it will put another black mark on your record, and I already know that the human 'college' you attend only just barely let you in with your loitering record. Or do you want your university's 'Institute of Unique and Forward-Thinking Research' to deny you membership?"

"Yeah, but I'm going to be the one making sure that you get your stuff back while we break, and that you don't get busted during it. If you get caught, they'll just chase you down and put you back again," Dib replied pointedly. "Plus, unless you've got me to break into their systems, they'll still have our names, and we'll both get busted for breaking out, on top of everything else. So I'm also doing _you_ a service."

"THAT'S WHY IT'S TEAMWORK! WE ARE HELPING EACH OTHER. AND WORKING AS A _TEAM._ FOR MUTUAL BENEFIT!"

"Last time we did this sort of stupid thing you made me owe you a favor. Or did you forget about making me find out if that one guy knew about your---"

"Enough! We don't need to discuss the man from the grinding app," Zim cut him off. "It was a mistake and now we are forgetting about it. Fine! I will owe you your pitiful favor."

Dib was clearly trying to restrain a laugh, but stood up without a moment of hesitation. "Alright, good deal. What's the plan, then? Seems like you already had some sort of an idea."

"Well, first I need to figure out the layout of this place, and then I need you to make sure no one catches me using a laser drill on this concrete," Zim said, his PAK whirring as he began to sift through the tools for the job. "Then we will need to get into their database and you will have to erase our names from the records."

"On it," Dib agreed, moving towards the bars, trying to glance around for any cameras. "Seems like there's a security camera at the end of the hall, so we're good there. Let me just test one more thing..."

Knocking his knuckles against the bars, he winced at the metal sound that rang out through the quiet hall. Fortunately, the dozing guard didn't even budge. If Dib had more time to think on it, he'd worry the man was dead, but the slow rise and fall of his chest spoke to things probably being fine. "Alright, I think we're good. Just try to go as quickly and quietly as you can. I'll be over here. Uh. Trying to body-block in case he wakes up, but I don't think that's happening any time soon."

"It will take about ten minutes," Zim estimated. "Don't screw this up."

"I won't if you don't," Dib remarked.

Taking a deep sigh to steady his nerves, Zim knelt in the corner, an arm extending from his PAK and lining up with the wall. It fired a steady stream of red laser at the concrete. "Do you know where we need to go to access their database?"

"Down the hall," Dib replied, only looking back for a moment as Zim got to work, before setting his attention back to making sure no one saw them. "Since this is just the county jail and our city sucks, they've only got an old computer in the lobby. We'll need to find a way to get the other officer out of there while I do it, though. But everything looks so old in here that I doubt they have any sort of syncing software, so it'll be easy enough."

"Good grief, if even you think the tech is obsolete, that's saying something," Zim teased.

"Yeah, yeah, you and your advanced alien tech, yadda yadda," Dib rolled his eyes. "Just keep cutting open the wall."

"I can talk and drill at the same time, moron."

"God, I wish you couldn't."

Zim snickered, producing a pair of safety goggles from seemingly nowhere as he continued to drill into the wall. "Quarter of the way through... I hope you have a plan, smell-pig."

"I do. I don't just go into stuff like this without one," Dib remarked, pausing, before speaking back up. "Okay well not all the time. I have a plan for this one, that's all that matters. When we get outta here, though, I'm gonna need you to help me take out the cameras outside, and... probably blow up a trash can. Can you manage that?"

"Pff. In my sleep," Zim replied. "Halfway."

"No sign of anyone yet," Dib murmured, letting out a stressed breath. "I can't believe we're actually doing this."

"You're not going to chicken out on me now, are you?"

"God, no. I'm just stressed. We're breaking out of jail, you know."

"Meh." Zim gave a dismissive wave.

"What, have you broken out of jail before this?" Dib scoffed, tossing him back a look.

"A few times here and there," Zim replied.

"...Yeah, you know? That somehow doesn't surprise me, now that I actually think about it."

"Out of all the Earth prisons I have escaped, the mall jail was the most imposing," Zim said. "All else pales in comparison to the raw power of Slab Wrankle."

"Wh... _mall jail?"_ That earned an owlish blink and what was, quite possibly, the most confused look Dib had ever given him.

"That's the look of a man who has never tried to return a DVD to a video store at the mall after midnight."

"Yeah, because the mall... is closed? And there's a drop-box outside?"

"Wh--- I--- Well! No one even uses those anymore! Just use Netflix!"

"I can't believe you went to mall jail over a---"

"IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO DIB."

"Shhhh! Stop yelling! I'll bother you about it later."

"Keep it down in Cell B!" someone yelled from down the hall.

"Sorry!" Dib called back, letting out a sharp breath, before mumbling back to Zim. "Almost done? I think we're kind of running out of being-ignored time."

"Nearly there. I just have to widen the last bit, lest your gigantic head not fit through."

"You are so lucky I want out of here, or I swear to god---"

"Done." Zim's PAK arm retracted and he stowed his goggles away once more. "Let's move. Lead the way."

"Alright!" Dib grinned, but quieted, glancing around for just a second more.

The moment the coast was sufficiently clear, though, he left the hole with Zim, and the once the two worked to shove the smooth-cut cement back in place as well as they could, Dib gestured with a nod, leading them around the building. With instruction, he waited for Zim to take out the cameras lining the county precinct's walls with a well-placed laser shot from that PAK arm of his.

Once all of them were out, Dib led him to the dumpster out to the side, letting out a frazzled breath.

"Alright, Zim, we have one chance at this," Dib explained, his voice louder now that they were out of earshot of the guards, but still quiet with stress. "I need you to raise some hell out here and bring everybody inside out here, and keep them out here for at least five minutes. I remember where the computer they registered us with is, and it shouldn't take me much longer than that. But I need you to keep _all_ of them out here, or else we're fucked, okay?"

"That's fine," Zim agreed, nodding, then paused. "Wait. Am I allowed to kill them?"

"Please don't," Dib let out a frustrated sigh. "Incapacitating is fine. But if we get busted, and you kill somebody, we're going to have a _lot_ harder of a time getting out of the jail that'd get us in."

Zim tutted at that. "A bit more challenging. But no matter! The mighty and brilliant Zim has this completely under control!"

"Great! I am literally begging you not to make me regret this!" Dib replied, upbeat--- though, really, it was more to keep him from panicking than anything else. 

Getting into position, he moved around the opposite corner from where Zim would be, waiting for a moment, before giving the other a thumbs up. It was time to get this over with and get the hell out of here.

"SMELLY HUMAN POLICE-COPS!" Zim shouted at the top of his lungs. "PREPARE YOUR TINY, INSIGNIFICANT BRAINS FOR UNBRIDLED CHAOS."

An explosion. The smell of burning plastic and garbage filled the air, as well as that loud, unmistakable maniacal cackle.

"Oh my god," Dib muttered, unable to do anything but _gawk_ at him.

The second fire was caught to the dumpster, though, that combined with Zim's shouting was enough to draw out two cops, and then the other three that were in there, including the one who'd been sleeping like a rock. 

Now was his chance.

Booking it inside as quickly as his legs wound carry him, it wasn't hard to crack into their computers--- given that they were left logged in, since they were dragged outside with little time to spare --- and their records of arrest were gone. While he was at it, he may have also cleared out a couple other things that they'd brought him in for, just for good measure, but he couldn't take too much longer with it before he’d risk getting busted.

When he came out, he was fortunate to catch Zim rounding a corner, even if he nearly collided with him before he managed to stop. 

"IT'S DONE WE'RE CLEAR WE GOTTA GO," Dib shouted, grabbing Zim's arm, and urging him in the direction that they'd already been running towards, down an abandoned, filthy alley. It was fortunate that this city was basically half-empty; if they ran fast enough, they could disappear in this maze of alleys, and Dib wasted no time dragging Zim in that direction.

"Understood!" Without thinking, Zim grabbed Dib around the waist. "Hang on tight!"

"What? Hang on wait wh---"

Before Dib could manage a reply, however, Zim's PAK arms converted to rocket thrusters, and he sent both of them barreling into the sky like a missile with a loud cackle.

There was barely any time to process what was going on before Dib's feet left the ground, and with the sounds of police shouting fading away, only being replaced by alarmed screaming of his own, rockets blazing, and Zim's triumphant laughter. Clinging onto Zim wasn't his proudest moment, and he'd never been afraid of heights before, but it seemed the exception was heights where he was thrown so high up in the air faster than he'd ever been or ever would be in his whole life. 

The second they were on the ground in front of Zim's house, Dib stumbled a bit as they were let go, looking blown away. After just a beat of stunned silence, though, he let out a disbelieving, delighted laugh, before pure adrenaline and sheer victory pushed him to scoop Zim up into a hug. 

"WE DID IT!!" Dib cheered, thrilled, stunned, baffled, and clearly psyched out of his mind. "We busted out of jail! What the fuck! I can't believe we did that!"

Zim, unthinking, hugged him back, not even remarking about being lifted. "HAHAHA! TAKE THAT, EARTH LEGAL SYSTEM!"

"We're unstoppable!" Dib enthused with a grin. After a moment, though, he came to his senses a bit, and realized that the two were absolutely locked into an embrace, the same realization rising to Zim’s face as soon as it’d hit him.

What the fuck were they doing?

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Dib set Zim down, looking thoroughly embarrassed. It was impossible for his face to get any redder, at this point. "Uh. I mean--- yeah. Um. Good job! Thanks for, uh... getting us out of there."

Zim took a step back as soon as his feet were on the ground again, turning a deep shade of plummy purple in the cheeks. "Ah--- yes, you as well, very good. Excellent work. ...For once! Since! You know. You're inferior and all."

"Yeah! I mean. It's definitely. Y'know. A step in the right direction. For you to be. Nnnnot a menace to society and this planet," Dib waffled a bit, silent for a long, uncomfortable moment, before gesturing stiffly behind him. "Well! I should. Ah. Head home, since... we should--- probably call off fighting today? So we don't, uh. Get busted again. That would be shitty."

"That's true..." Zim muttered. "Gir is probably worried."

"Yeah. Your robot's got... weird amounts of anxiety for a machine," Dib mumbled. "Well. Um. ...Bye? I'll see you--- whenever you try to do something, I guess."

"Ah, Dib---" Zim hesitated to let him go, seeming to struggle for a moment. "I... You and I do make a rather good team."

Dib blinked, stopping in his tracks from where he'd geared himself up to walk away. He'd been reluctant to leave, as well, and didn't need much excuse to linger. (Even if he was confused about that - why didn't he want to leave?) "...You know? I mean--- we _did_ work pretty well together. Considering that was a jailbreak and all, and could have ended really badly..."

"It could have! And that could have been much worse for your record..." Zim floundered, begrudgingly choosing his words. "Ffffffffffffor a human. You are pretty clever. This planet would be--- ah. Lesser. Were you to be denied opportunities for advancement due to criminal records."

Dib looked stunned at that, barely knowing what to think. "I... uh. ...Thanks, Zim, I--- appreciate that. And, I... well. I hate to admit it, but... I wouldn't have been able to get out of there without your help. Sssso. You're not... all bad."

Zim shuffled a bit. "...Do you want to come in for a bit? It's--- not like I can really, haha. Hide anything from you. You've seen it all at one point or another..."

"Oh---" Dib hesitated for just a second, before giving a shrug that was just a bit exaggerated. Christ, he wasn't good at this--- how could he be, though? He couldn't have ever anticipated anything casual or kind between him and the alien invader he'd fought with for over ten years. "Well, I--- don't have anything else going on, so... why not?"

"Alright!" Flustered and seeming to be caught in a _very_ similar place as the other, Zim turned to open the door, letting himself and Dib inside.

"Master! You're home! I thought you died!" Gir said, eagerly hopping up from the floor.

"Gir, please. If something as insignificant as a human police officer could kill me, I never would have gotten through invader training," Zim gloated, picking up the little robot when tiny metal arms were lifted up to him.

"Hey, Zim's robot," Dib offered Gir a little wave, but his attention was all over the half-foreign half-familiar room, interest blatantly written all over his face. "You know, I think this is the first time I've been in here that you haven't been trying to actively kill me. ...Unless you are right now, which, I gotta say, would be a sneaky, super low blow."

"As easy as it would be to crush you on my home turf, I mostly intended to ask you to join us for game night," Zim said. "Tonight, I had planned to watch Gir be uncannily good at Legend of Zelda."

"Really? ...Huh. I guess he is a robot, it makes sense that he'd be good at games," Dib remarked, lifting his brows. "I might want to run out after some food, but. As long as we're on a truce for the night, I... don't see why not?"

"We can order in," Zim said.

"CHINESE FOOD NIGHT!!!" Gir declared loudly.

"Chinese food sounds pretty good, actually," Dib agreed, moving to sit on the pink, somewhat-lumpy-but-still-comfortable couch. "...Wait, you guys have money? Where did you get money from? I didn't think you had a job or anything, Zim."

"Oh, I just commit credit card fraud," Zim said, nonchalant.

"Hang on, you what?"

"Do your human side-of-the-head-hearing-discs no longer work? Credit card fraud. Pay attention."

"First of all, ears. They're called ears. Second of all, you are _so_ lucky we got out of jail, because if you didn't get busted for being an alien, they would've absolutely gotten you for that. Jesus Christ, Zim."

"We off-worlders make due," Zim replied vaguely. "I've gotten away with it for years because humans are stupid."

"I don't think that shows that humans are stupid. How would we even find an alien committing credit card fraud?" Dib scoffed. "I guess that would explain how you guys order out literally all the time, though. And how you keep getting video games. I was wondering about that."

"Crime!!!" Gir answered gleefully.

"I've considered getting legitimate work, since I have been here so long, but I've elected not to worry about it. This is just so easy," Zim said.

"Oh, legitimate work sucks," Dib remarked. "If I could get away with crime, I would probably consider it. That's why I've just kept doing school. My dad says as long as I'm in college or some kind of post-grad school, he'll keep paying for things, and I am absolutely going to wait until I can get a job that isn't complete hell."

"Or you could just commit crime," Zim suggested.

"I can't just commit crime," Dib rolled his eyes. "I've got stuff that I have to do that a life of crime would interfere with."

"Not if you're very good at crime."

"I'm not starting to commit crimes with you, Zim."

"Why not?" Zim huffed. "We could do so much more crime as a team!"

"Because if we got busted, we'd be boned!" Dib argued. "It'd be a slim chance, probably, but the chance is still there! And I'm not exactly interested in getting caught and having to talk to my family about that. 'Sorry, Dad, Zim and I just went totally off the rails because we stopped trying to kill each other, and we do heists now.' How am I supposed to explain that?"

"You don't have to explain if you're good at crime!"

"You are _r_ _eally_ persistent about this crime thing, huh?"

"And you're very persistent about not-crime," Zim said. "What's your point?"

"Ugh," Dib groaned. "Alright. I'll join you for one thing. Whenever you need a team for… I don’t know. A robbery or whatever. But after that, I'm not gonna guarantee any more of it. I'm not ready to commit to a life on the run because you've got some... serious kleptomania."

"Kleptomania is a disorder, Dib. These are choices," Zim replied. "What do you want from the Chinese place?"

"Sesame chicken and lo-mein, if they've got it," Dib replied. "And honestly, I feel like it's only a matter of time before you get hooked on it, if you aren't already, but whatever you say."

"Yeah, yeah. I just--- it's not even---" Zim huffed, frustrated. "I just liked working with you. That's all! Will you lay off now?"

There was a quiet moment, and for a second, Dib even felt bad. Since when did he feel bad for getting on Zim's case about something? Today was confusing, to say the least. He was going to have to unpack this for a while. "...Well, I mean--- if you're not set on committing crime, I might have something else that we could... work together on?"

"Mm," Zim hummed affirmatively. "If only I could convince you to take over the Earth with me!" He was joking. Mostly.

"I've only been working on trying to stop you from doing that since I was 12," Dib teased. "Just because people think I'm nuts doesn't mean you're gonna convince me to give you the Earth so easily, you know."

"You could be king of it, you know," Zim nudged him with his elbow.

"What, you would really want me to rule the planet with you?" Dib snickered, shooting Zim an amused, disbelieving look. "Stand up on a big podium and be like 'Hey! Look who was right!' after we take it over?"

Zim actually leaned back in his seat and laughed aloud at that, having to hold his stomach. "That'd be rich! It'd sure show them, eh?"

"Hah! It sure would! Talk about vindication," Dib gave a laugh of his own. That was the first time either of them had ever heard the other _really_ laugh--- not the evil, sinister cackle, or a mocking, triumphant laugh of victory, but a real laugh, and Dib was embarrassingly hung up on that. "You guys didn't want to believe me, so fuck it! No more free Earth! Whatever!"

"You and I, once bitter rivals, now partners in crime, up against the entire world! And then we dominate it! All humans must bend to the will of the Mighty Zim and Unstoppable Dib! Haha!" At this, Zim couldn't help but pop out of his seat and strike a dramatic pose.

That earned a snort and a laugh from Dib, a delighted grin spreading across his face at the theatrics of it all. "Man, we gotta stop talking about this, because joining in on world domination should _not_ sound this genuinely doable!"

"Or should it?" Zim teased, a little too eager.

"I mean, pfffbt," Dib snickered, but seemed to get a hold of himself, immediately uncertain. As "sole defender of Earth" for a long time, that train of thought was a bit jarring. "I--- don't think so, at least!"

Zim tutted, taking his seat again. "Dib-thing--- or. Just. Dib, I suppose. May I be frank with you?"

"Depends on what you're being frank about," Dib replied. "But yeah, go for it."

"The Tallest are dead," Zim explained. "The ones you knew, anyway."

"Wh..." Dib blinked, looking floored. "Wait, seriously? They're just gone?"

"They died in the Florpus Hole. Flew straight in," Zim said. "...The new Tallest told me I'm fired. This happened nearly a decade ago."

"So, you've just been..." Dib trailed off, sounding thoroughly caught off guard by that. "...Trying to conquer Earth, or--- make plans to, even though your leaders don't want you to anymore?"

"Eh." Zim shrugged. "I'm kind of doing it for me, now."

"Yeah?" Dib gave him a skeptical, almost interested look. "What's your plan for it?"

"I don't have one at the moment, I was kind of--- I'm between plans," Zim said. "And it'd be a lot easier if I had someone as formidable as you to assist me."

"You're... really serious about me on board, huh?" Dib murmured, still stunned by the whole thing. It was a concept that rattled him thoroughly - you can only work towards one thing for so long before even so much as _thinking about_ the other option would shake one’s view. "I... don't know. I mean, I've been sort of trying to keep this exact thing from happening for so long..."

"But think about it," Zim said. "We'd no longer be destroying the planet. We'd be running it. We would be kings, emperors, we could shape this planet the way we desire it."

"That's true," Dib replied, quieter now, contemplative--- guiltily so, but it was something he couldn't help but consider. "The planet has been falling apart, as of these last several decades... and it doesn't seem like things are starting to get better, no matter what anybody does..."

"We never get anywhere trying to fight," Zim added. "But if we worked together..."

"Maybe we could actually... get somewhere, and manage something," Dib murmured.

"The things we could achieve..." Zim replied, just as quiet.

"And you're not---" Dib cut his own train of thought off, seeming to stumble a bit. "If I find out that you're lying to me, and this is some sort of new strategy for the Irkens to take over the planet---"

"It's not, I swear!"

"Swear on your life?"

Zim straightened, and gave a small, affirmative nod. "I swear on my PAK."

"...I'm in."

Zim brightened near instantly at that. “Really?”

"If we're not destroying it--- we could really fix things here!" Dib enthused, sitting further upright, his energy renewed. "We can actually keep this planet together like it deserves to be, and make sure it stays that way! And--- and people who never believed me will get to see that! They'll get to see us take the reigns, fix everything with our own hands, and know they were wrong!"

"Those who wronged you will now serve you," Zim said, grinning wickedly.

"You'll prove yourself to Irk without having to do anything for them," Dib stood, too energized to sit. "We'll prove ourselves to everyone and run this planet right. Like it _should_ have been."

"World domination looks good on you, Dib," Zim remarked.

"We haven't done anything yet," Dib snickered. "Decide that once it happens."

"I can already tell," Zim noted.

"How so?" Dib lifted a brow his way.

"Master thinks you always look good," Gir interrupted, not looking up from the tablet in his hands. "Also the delivery guy is gonna be heeeere in fiiiiiiive minutes!"

Dib paused, blinking for a moment, before tossing Zim a puzzled look. "...You think I always look good?"

"Wh---" Zim flustered. "Gir!! Why did you say that?!"

Gir peered up from his game, looking confused. "...Cause you said it!"

"Shh!!! Shut up! Stop that!"

"...Oh my god, you really do, huh?” Dib barely looked like he knew what to say.

"I'm getting the food!" Zim said, tidying his disguise and heading for the door.

"Wait, but doesn't it have five more minutes?" Dib furrowed his brows.

Before Zim could respond, he was out the door, closing it brusquely behind him.

"Aw man," Dib groaned. "...Hey, Gir. Mind if I ask you something?"

"Mhm!" Gir agreed with a grin.

"What all has, uh..." Dib hesitated, trying to decide if he really wanted to know. What point was there in knowing? Despite that question trying to tear his attention from it, though, some part of him _absolutely_ did want to know. "What has Zim said about me before? You said he thinks I always look good. So... stuff like that?"

"Uuuuuhm, that you handsome for a smelly beef man, and your head's not so big no more, and that you're smaaaart and he likes the swooshy thing your hair does," Gir prattled.

"I thought he thought that thing was stupid," Dib murmured, a little blown away, even absently brushing the curve at the front of his hair that had persisted, even after all these years. "...He really said all that?"

"Sometimes!!!" Gir said, upbeat. "He always seems kinda mad 'bout it though... He's like some kind of a funky... backwards man."

"Yeah, that... sounds like Zim alright," Dib remarked, not knowing how to process that. How did one handle something like that? Or even process it? 

Those were thoughts that he'd grappled with, late at night, sure. You could only deal with someone on a constant, daily basis before they crept into your mind at inopportune moments. And _maybe_ it was something that he'd shoved to the back-burner for ages, unsure of how to deal with it. 

Now it seemed like he was going to need to deal with it.

  
Or, at least, push it to the back-burner _harder._

That didn’t negate the fact that all those answers left his stomach in nervous knots.

Before he could ask Gir about anything else, though, the doorknob turned, and he plopped back down on the couch, taking out his phone and trying to be as nonchalant as possible. It wasn't exactly working well, but hey. Zim had never been particularly observant.

"Oh--- hey!" Dib floundered, trying desperately _not_ to. "Man, food got here fast."

"Yes, it did," Zim agreed, pulling things out of the bag and handing Dib his food. "Now! Gir, put the game on. Dib and I will watch you play while we scheme."

"Ooooooookie dokie!" Gir agreed, leaping off the couch to start setting up the Switch.

"Did you guys also get the Switch with credit-card-fraud-money?" Dib asked, wasting little time getting into his food. He hadn't even realized how hungry he'd gotten after everything, and with the food-smells making his stomach start to complain as it was already, he wasn’t interested in waiting any longer.

"I think Gir swiped it from a child," Zim mused.

"...And you just---- let him do that?"

"Gir is his own person, he can make his own choices. Unless they're bad for me, in which case, he can't. But I liked this choice.”

"...I guess that makes sense," Dib remarked, not up for arguing about the logistics of Gir's permissions to steal. "Which Zelda does he have again? I don't really keep up with them."

"I gots Breef of the Wheat!" Gir replied.

"...Breath of the Wild?" Dib asked.

"Yeah that's what I said!" Gir returned to the couch, controllers in hand. "I gonna beat the whoooole game with no pants!"

"Why? Do you get, like, an achievement or something?" Dib furrowed his brows.

"I dunno!"

"He does this for fun,"Zim said, nonchalant. "Anyway, on to the scheming!"

"Scheming! Right!" Dib agreed brightly through a mouthful of noodles. Swallowing roughly, he let out a breath. "Where do we even begin?"

"Well, we need a way to force Earth into complete submission," Zim hummed thoughtfully. "Any ideas? I've been at this for a while, I could use a fresh pair of eyes."

Dib furrowed his brows, mulling on it for a few quiet moments as he ate. "...What if we collapsed the internet? That's become pretty societally-ingrained. I'd say electricity, but... a lot of people need it to live, and I _specifically_ don't want to kill a bunch of people for this."

"Oooh, yes. And also we can make robots take all the world leaders hostage," Zim agreed.

"Good idea!" Dib agreed. "No internet so limited contact, got world leaders, we would mostly just... need to find a way to not get immediately shot when we do that. Maybe holograms or something?"

"And mech suits," Zim added, grinning.

"Where are we going to get mech suits?" Dib lifted a brow.

"I will make them, obviously!" Zim replied, chest puffed with pride.

"Wait, really?" Dib blinked. "...Holy shit, you totally could!"

"Of course I can! You've seen all the things I've made!" Zim scolded him, indignant. "For shame."

"Hey, the only mech-suit thing that came to mind at first was the one you got sent!" Dib retorted. "But then again, you've made... a whole satellite thing before, though, so. I guess I wasn't really thinking about everything!"

Zim snickered. "Now, one other thing, if we really want to be taken seriously, we definitely need to destroy a bit. What locations should we target to throw our weight around but not hurt anyone?"

"Maybe... hm," Dib hummed thoughtfully. "...Oh! Maybe some monuments? Like Mount Rushmore or something? Things that are important but not necessary, and then we could sort of take our time wrecking something bigger like the White House, so anyone in it can get out, but it still makes a point that we're not fucking around."

"Yes, destroy their symbols of power and wealth!" Zim agreed, enthusiastic. "You're brilliant!"

"We've just gotta hit them where it hurts, and then they'll definitely listen!" Dib grinned, trying not to get _too_ hung up on being called brilliant. "And the more at-once we do it, the less they'll be able to prepare to try to do any sort of defense!"

"Oh, this will all be done in a matter of hours, my dear stink-man," Zim replied.

"We might want to do it even faster than that," Dib pointed out. "If we have any way to set up something to do it remotely, we might want to see if we can pull it off in an hour. Maybe the even heavier hits in 30 minutes."

"I love the way you think! I can scarcely believe you have had such heinous, diabolical schemes in your big head this whole time," Zim said, trilled.

"I have good plans!" Dib laughed. "And, for the record, you know my head isn't that big."

"Well, it is, but your body grew into it, mostly," Zim teased.

"Uh huh, sure," Dib teased back. "You're just saying that because you don't want to admit my head is normal-sized now."

"Whatever. We begin work tomorrow!!!"

"Wow--- already?"

"Of course! There's no time to waste!"

* * *

And with little wait in the coming days, the two, recently overcoming their feud, worked diligently together as a seamless team.

Without drawing suspicion, it was nearly five months of work: Dib still had to attend to his classes and spending what little time with his family that he usually did, as well as not falling _too_ far behind on his own paranormal investigations, but the two were hard at work more often than not. 

When they weren’t working, they were barely separated, either. Even with the drive of near-constant battle keeping them at each others’ throats, it seemed like the decade of being together for so long - even if it was negatively for almost all the time - it was their normal to be together all the time. 

Without the endless mockery and squabbling, they were even able to learn about one-another: apparently, Zim had an affinity for sweets and _really_ enjoyed comedy movies, and Dib was eager to learn anything and everything he could about Zim’s tech, as well as having a weakness for bundling up in blankets for late-night horror movies and Netflix competition shows. It seemed like every day that passed, as well, the two learned something new about one another, even able to joke fondly as they worked.

Finally, though, the day came, and there was no time for nonsense.

It was time for Zim and Dib to take over the Earth.

Everything was perfectly in position: explosives geared at monuments, the explosives set to let out a loud screech to ward off anyone in the area. Holograms projectors stationed in the offices of politicians and world leaders, small, disposable devices with the capability to stun anyone who touches them. Flexible, extremely portable mech suits of distinct Irken nature fitted into what looked like a backpack for Dib and something that could be deployed from Zim’s PAK for him, ready to gear up whenever the time came, the two being in separate, but with the same target: the White House. Other mechanisms were geared up at every political building they could think of, ready to construct and destroy with a moment’s notice, with their exact patterns of attack driving the leaders of each either out, or into dead ends for capture.

“Zim,” Dib’s voice crackled over their shortwave radios, and a wave from across the road he’d been stationed at, ready to step in motion the second the chaos started descending. “You ready?”

“Fool boy!” Zim cackled, grinning, even if he was too far away to see it. “The mighty Zim was _born_ ready for this!”

“Alright!” Dib snickered, and after a quick glance, he took in a breath. “Here we go. Brace yourself.”

“It begins in three….”

“Two….”

“One….”

**BOOM.**

With the high-pitched mechanical shriek, the Washington monument toppled, and the surrounding bystanders exploded into terror and panic. People scattered in every direction they could to get away, and suiting up, a deep blue machine appeared, a rich fuchsia one appearing after it, and the destruction began. 

Across the globe, massive buildings and landmarks fell to ruin, satellites fried in the Earth’s orbit, and servers succumbed to violet shock. Before anyone had time to react, or news broadcasts could even go out, the team of two’s plan fell into place.

There was no time to even involve any of the nation’s armies before machines of all shapes and sizes, electrical fields, and metal gates trapped the voices the world looked to for guidance. 

The end of the free Earth came not with an explosion, but a shock, and a still silence.

That was, of course, until the broadcasts returned: this time, though, the world would be greeted by a strange insignia, before the two faces responsible for the collapse appeared, standing atop the ruins of the dilapidated White House as small, round cameras, alien in nature, ensured that the would see them.

“PEOPLE OF EARTH!” Zim’s voice resounded loudly, echoes from every television it could broadcast from heard, a wicked smile spread across his face. “YOUR PLANET HAS FALLEN! BEHOLD NOW, YOUR NEW KINGS!”

“My name is Dib Membrane,” Dib started, his voice firm and cold, adrenaline rushing through his veins. “Son of the world-renowned Professor Membrane. This is Zim, of planet Irk. For too long, the Earth has been allowed to crumble under people’s power who didn’t know what to do with it, who did it for their own gain - and for ten years, I stopped Zim from taking it for the conquest of the Irken Empire. For those ten years, the world was willingly blind to my work.”

“The mighty Zim is no longer affiliated with the Irken Empire, however,” Zim added. “And seeing as the Earth, my chosen home in this wide universe, has been under poor control of incapable hands practically since its creation, we have seen it fit to change that.”

“Zim and I are going to _make_ this planet what it could be, no matter what anyone has to say about it,” Dib folded his arms behind his back. “And to do that, our only option was to remove _all_ the powers of the world. Our new world order isn’t cruel, but it isn’t fucking around, either. We will not be stopped. We won’t listen to any arguments. We aren’t going to keep anyone in the dark, though - we are going to be _very_ up front with our plans.”

“Any dissent, however,” Zim noted, menace to his tone. “Will be stamped out with an iron fist.”

“Welcome to your New Earth,” Dib finished. “These are your new rulers of your world, signing off.”

As the recording lights of the floating cameras flickered off, the devices returned to Zim, who took them and stored them in his PAK without a moment to waste. 

For a moment, all the two could do was stare from their perch. From the wreckage they’d wrought, from the confused faces looking to one another, and the screens, emblazoned with the logo the two had created for their rule.

And then, the silence between them was broken.

Zim laughed.

Not a wicked one, not even an amused one--- a laughter of shock, bewilderment, surprise. He finally lifted his attention to Dib, who let out his own disbelieving chuckle, and the second the two locked eyes, he spoke.

“We… did it,” Dib started.

“We did.

“We took over the Earth.”

“We did!”

“WE FUCKING DID IT!”

Dib threw up his arms and cheered, his visage of a stern world-conqueror crumbling, earning a wild, _thrilled_ grin from Zim, joining in with his own cheering. Without a moment to waste, just as their team had started, it was Zim’s turn to catch Dib in a hug, Dib making up for the bit of a gap in their height by grabbing the alien and lifting him, swinging him into an overjoyed hug.

Within only a moment, and without a moment of thought, overwhelmed with emotions of victory, proving himself, delight, Zim pushed forward, doing what he’d wanted to do for months now. What had been burning between the two since nearly the start of them working together.

The two clashed together in a messy, energetic, emotional kiss, holding one another as though the world depended on it, human hands and Irken claws clinging to one another desperately, more desperate than either would have been ready to acknowledge, much less ready to admit.

And upon the fallen rubble of their fallen enemies, the two were locked together, the two kings of the world focused only one-another, the only other person who mattered being his opposite. 

Earth was finally going to see change, and the two were going to ensure it, hand-in-hand.

**Author's Note:**

> woo!!! yeah!!! merry christmas floral!!! ;W;
> 
> if i had more time, i would've loved to make it into a full-fic, so i'm sorry if the plot pace is a little abrupt!! i had big ideas.... and one-shot time
> 
> hope you like it! 
> 
> -Socks (and Pink!)


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